Presto Manifesto

I knew I had to work today, and I was dreading it. Aside from being uncomfortable around Boss after yesterday's verbal lashing, I knew that he was going to be ultra nice today. I knew it would happen because he always does it. He gets extremely moody for one day and takes it out on one of us, then the next day it's like nothing happened. And if there is one thing that makes me crazy, it's pretending like a huge confrontation didn't happen.
As predicted, he greets me with a sugary sweet "Well good afternoon, Jessica! How are you today?" Having already told myself I wouldn't take the crazy bait today, I keep my reply to a simple "Good afternoon Doctor". "A patient brought in some Christmas cookies, please feel free to have some"  he adds. "No, thank you", I say as I breeze out of the room into my office to begin my work.
Thankfully, I have much to keep me busy, allowing me to avoid him for most of the day. By day's end, I know my goal of not allowing him to pretend like yesterday's events never happened was successful.  As I am cleaning up my office for the night, he asks to see me in his office. In my head, I wonder if he is going to ask what I've been upset about today or if he is going to start in on me again.
He begins by saying "I just wanted to clarify something with you". Seeing the puzzled look on my face, he continues on, "I want to make sure you don't have the impression that I am planning to look for another therapist." "Actually, that is exactly the impression I have. That is what you said yesterday", I retort, having trouble keeping my cool. Obviously, he knows he said that, and replies with "Yes, after I got home yesterday, I started thinking about my wording and I can see how you might have gotten that impression". Yes, I got that impression because that's what you said. "But let me be clear now, I think you're an excellent therapist, and you're a really honest person, which is very important to me. And I fully intend to give you more hours once we pick up around here. If you don't want to take the other job, it's no problem, we can get someone else in as an assistant. And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I just want you to know I'm willing to start fresh here if you are."
So........exactly the opposite of everything you said yesterday? Yeah, Seems that way. No bother, my interview with the spa is on Saturday.....I can't wait.

I'm trying to stay peaceful in my mind and in my heart right now. I debated writing a negative post today, because I don't want to bring out those vibes. But I feel that perhaps I should let them out today, so that I can clear the negative from my mind and  heart to clear the way for good things to come.

Yesterday I was so excited for my interview. I was thinking about it all day. I had the perfect outfit planned, I spent way too much time taming my beastly hair from what can only be described as a Polish afro, to a finely pressed shine, and I buffed my short nails with the obscenely expensive dead sea salt kit I was pressured into getting a few months back by a very handsome Israeli man. I don't go all out like this every day, believe me.
 Because this spa is quite a drive from my house, I was nearly about to walk out the door and make the long commute when the owner calls me. There's been a family emergency. Damn. What a waste of perfectly good interview hair. She promises she will call back and reschedule soon, so I'm continuing to think positively about  the job.

Then today, I had an hour massage appointment at the clinic. I get there just in time to be reamed by my boss about me having the nerve to ask him for a chair for my room when his profits are so low this month. Well, it's not that I need a top of the line chair or anything, just something to sit on while I'm doing neck treatments so I'm not hurting my own back in the process.....something I've done for 6 months now. A small chair is something nearly every massage therapist's office I know of is equipped with.  And, because his wife is the office manager, I presumed I could tell her I needed the chair several months ago and that he would get the message. But apparently, I was in the wrong. I should come only to him if I need something, and even though I do need something, "it just ain't gonna happen this month and next month doesn't look good either".  Ok then. He abruptly leaves the office without another word and I proceed to give my massage.

After the hour was up and my patient leaves, he knocks on my door and asks me to come to his office. He proceeds to apologize for his earlier behavior for the first few minutes, before launching into another reaming which lasts more than 45 minutes.  He wants to get to the bottom of my "behavior". He asks why I wasn't willing to take the other job for $9/hr.....did I think I was "too good to make $9/hr".....don't I know that he gets applications from other massage therapists every week that would love to have my job??.....didn't I know that $9/hr was more than no money for sitting at home?....And finally, he lets me know that he is probably going to hire another massage therapist who is willing to do more for less money, and that I "could be sure that they will be getting more hours than [me]".

Fighting to keep my burning tears from spilling out, I calmly explain that I neither think I'm too good for a $9/hr job as a office assistant, nor am I desperate for ANY job that makes me more money than I make "while sitting at home". I just want more hours doing my job at my pay rate. I do rely on my modest paycheck from the clinic, but I am not desperate. I finish by telling him that if he intends to hire another therapist, I will be leaving.

I get up to clean up my office before leaving , when he comes in behind me to tell me that he will let me know a month's notice if he plans to hire someone else, leaving me to not really know for sure if he IS hiring someone else, and also, sort of negating the ''resignation" I basically just gave.  I stand there, finishing my clean up while thinking to myself, the second I hear if Eric's interview tomorrow goes well or that I've been officially hired on to the spa, I'm never coming back.

He sheepishly tries to make small talk with me as I punch out for the day. And as I open the door to the office to leave, he yells out, "By the way, you're doing a great job".

Are the tides turning? Something is happening...

 I didn't even get a chance to approach the doctor about getting more hours before he cornered me. "Can I speak with you about something Jessica?" he said to me in a  very matter-of-fact tone. "Of course," I replied slightly skeptically and nervous about what might follow.....the way I usually feel when I'm being pulled aside by him, "Something wrong?" "Well, our secretary is leaving to work at another job, and that means we'll be needing more help around here", he said. As a smile spread across my face, he continued on, "Now, we won't be needing full time massage hours, but if you're willing to come in and do other work, I could certainly use you."  "Great," I said "I was going to talk to you about getting more hours. I could really use them." "Oh," he replied, with a wave of his hand,  "We won't be needing you full time on a permanent basis. I can get someone to do this job for $8 an hour eventually, I just need you right now. But, you're always welcome to take the position permanently for the lower pay rate......". Without being able to suppress my disappointment, I mustered a "Sure, I'll take the temporary work. But, I'm not willing to step down a pay grade to do it."
And that was that. The end of any last shred of dignity and hope I felt in my working environment.

 I was feeling pretty low. And then....

After scouring the postings on craigslist on a daily basis, I found a job for which my husband would be a perfect fit. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say, it is very close to what he did at his last job (minus the extensive traveling...so probably somewhat less pay), and much more related to the engineering degree he holds than the copy repair work he is currently doing. After immediately applying, he got a response within the day, letting him know he'd be contacted within the week. And just yesterday, he got a response that read something to the effect of: "Please call my office so we may set up a time for you to tour the plant and so we may formulate a mutually beneficial agreement". Sounded pretty solid to me, if anyone is keeping score. The only thing is, we don't know what the pay is. Eric is of the mindset that even if it pays exactly what he is making now, he will take the job, as it is something that makes him happy and something that keeps him in the EET game. So, it is set that he will go on Wednesday morning for this "interview"....and I've been feeling ecstatic.

Having been so uplifted by the prospect of us pulling ourselves out of this mire we've been bogged down with for the last half of 2009, I felt so moved to contact a fellow massage therapist today to set up a trade. I hadn't had a proper massage in close to a year and was thinking my depression could be alleviated even more after those persistent trigger points between my shoulder blades were exhorted to oblivion. And so, I ended up driving to my dear friend's place of business, all of about 25 miles away, which I thought to be a salon. After walking through the doors, I knew it was no salon. It was a wellness spa. A wonderful, lavender scented, calm atmosphered, wellness spa. No thick scent of hairspray or nail polish (which I detest), just simply a very tastefully decorated, relaxing environment.
I had never been to the spa, so my friend took me on a tour. A former doctor's office remodeled, the place contained 3 massage treatment rooms, 2 steam showers, a sugar scrub room, a foot detox room, a yoga/pilates studio, a couples massage room, a hypnosis room, and a nutritionist. "Wow." I said, amazed at how envious I had become in such a rapid amount of time, "This place is amazing." "Yes," my friend replied "I love it here." I tried to formulate a tactful way of asking if she was able to make a living in this commission based environment with such a down economy, but before I could, she told me she was getting 60% commission per massage, not paying rent on her room, able to set her own hours, and getting regular clients. It seems that the spa has been so busy, that they were looking for another therapist! And so, it came to be, after getting a 90 minute massage, the owner set up an interview with me before I left the office.
I'm unsure of what to do with the chiropractic job, as of yet, but I feel that my time there is probably not long for this world.

I love Florida. It's tropical-ish (depending on where you are), always warm-hot, lots to do, lots of latin culture, beaches everywhere. What's not to like? Well, according to everyone with which I ever share my day dreams of living there, everything.
I propose to you, Florida is one of the most hated states of the union.
"It's too hot. They have hurricanes! Taxes are too high. There are alligators and snakes! Too many bugs "

Ok, first of all, of course it's hot. It's a near tropical swamp land. Some of us happen to like the heat (while I write this sitting next to a window, providing me a perfect view of the demise of my beloved summer/fall season). I rather think the notion of being able to go outside without 12 pounds of jacket, hat, gloves, scarf, and snow boots YEAR ROUND is almost heavenly. 

Secondly, alligators and snakes? You're really going to discount a location as a desirable place because of alligators and snakes? Yes, Florida has alligators. Yes, Florida has snakes. Newsflash! Unless you're living in Ireland or New Zealand (and who wouldn't want to?!), every place has snakes. And I may be crazy here, but I think alligators are awesome. I wouldn't want to go swimming in a lake full of them, but what's the harm in sharing an environment with such a cool animal? If you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. And bugs? Seriously, get over it.

Hurricanes. Yes, hurricanes are a bitch. They can wipe out your city in moments. But again, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a place without natural disasters. Indiana, for instance, has tornadoes and blizzards. Sure, tornadoes are nothing compared to hurricanes, but they certainly kill people. And personally, I'd rather take a storm that I know is coming over driving on the ice coated death traps we call streets. I see accidents nearly every day for at least the first month of winter EVERY YEAR. And, I always see a fair number of accidents throughout the winter season. I hate HATE driving in winter!

Taxes. Something that is necessary, that you're going to pay anywhere in the US. And for crying out loud, Florida has no income tax!

I think Florida gets an unfair rep. I, for one, would LOVE to live in Florida.....

A few weeks ago, I got a post card from Megan at An American in Provence! I had correctly guessed her location based on mostly luck, but also, I spied a small portion of a split timbered facade on one of the buildings in her photo. But, mostly luck.


Thanks Megan, Strasbourg looks lovely!

My optimism is waning. More than six months now, and we're still in the same position : Shitty job. No health insurance. House won't sell, even if we had somewhere to move. During the summer months and early fall, I'd been able to pick up the reigns and encourage Eric to stay positive. It seems every lead he has gotten has kind of fizzled out and we are left exactly where we began. But the tide is changing and during these impending winter months, it's all I can do to drag my pathetic ass out of bed.

And then there's my job.......
When I started massage school, I knew I wasn't going to be able to make a solid living at it. But times were different, and my money was only to be the icing on the cake. I planned to work freelance or at a salon on commission. Then the lay off happened and suddenly I'm scrambling for a job in a chiropractic office - something I had every intention of avoiding.

So here I am, making $14 an hour  (for usually only 6-8 hours a week) to do what? A couple massages a day, cleaning up the office, doodling cute little pictures on the dry erase board to spruce the place up. I get the distinct feeling from my boss, that my job is not exactly permanent. Not only is he hard pressed to find insurance companies to pay for massage (and get himself reimbursed), but I don't think he completely believes that what I do is of worth. I'm left feeling like some kind of long running joke. True, I've probably landed in the best Chiropractic office in town in which to work, as my boss doesn't set up appointments back to back for 8 hours a day, leaving me with ill functioning wrists like many places do. But, it is what it is....me not really having a say about what I do in my day or in my career. A yes-man. Or yes-woman, so to speak.
And so, here we are.
I've come to the semi-startling realization that in August, not only is Little going to be in kindergarten for a full school day as per new state laws, but we are in no position to have another baby. So here I am, 26 years old, with an empty nest, as it were.  What the hell am I going to do? I can't get another massage job, we have a non-compete agreement. I've tried to get my resumes out for a retail job, but people are just not hiring. So what can I do for the 20 some odd hours per week that I'm not working or in charge of Little? I could go back to school. The only problem is, what do I want to do with my life?